This is the dark night of the soul A time when all seems lost and cold When hope has fled and joy is gone And all you feel is pain and dread
But this is not the end This is not the final word For even in the darkest night There is always light to be found
So don’t give up, don’t give in Keep fighting, keep believing For there is a light at the end of the tunnel And you will overcome this
You are not alone in this There are others who have walked this path And they have found their way out So you can too
So keep going, keep fighting Don’t give up on yourself For you are stronger than you think And you will overcome this
The dark night of the soul is a time of great transformation It is a time when you are forced to face your inner demons And to come to terms with your pain
But it is also a time of great growth It is a time when you learn to find your strength And to find your light
So don’t be afraid of the dark night of the soul Embrace it, learn from it, and grow from it For it is a necessary part of your journey
And when you come out the other side You will be a stronger, wiser, and more compassionate person
So keep going, keep fighting Don’t give up on yourself For you will overcome this
We’re taught to bottle up our feelings, To hide our pain and fears, To put on a brave face, And pretend that everything’s fine.
We’re told that mental health Is not something to discuss, That it’s a sign of weakness, Or something to be ashamed of.
But the truth is, Mental health is just as important As physical health. It’s something that we all need to take care of, And it’s something that we should talk about.
We need to break the stigma Around mental health, And we need to start talking about it, So that others don’t feel alone.
We need to let people know That it’s okay to not be okay, And that there is help available.
We need to start talking about mental health, So that we can all start to heal.
So let’s start talking, Let’s start breaking the stigma, And let’s start taking care of our mental health.
Photo by FUTURE KIIID on Pexels.com (I chose this photo because it is peaceful.)
I’ve been working on my mental health, and I wanted to reach out to you all to explain a few things.
Last week, I posted a photo with the caption, “I’m sorry I don’t talk to you anymore. My anxiety told me that you hated me.” This was a reflection of how my anxiety can sometimes make me feel like everyone hates me, even when there’s no evidence to support that.
I just wanted to start by saying that I have ADHD, which means that I have a hard time focusing on one thing at a time. This can sometimes lead me to start working on something and then move on to something else without finishing the first thing. I also sometimes have to say something in the moment, and I apologize if I cut you off or move on from what you’re talking about to what I want to talk about.
I know that this can be frustrating, and I’m working on it. I’m trying to be more mindful of my attention and to listen more carefully to what other people are saying. Even if I have to get out what I’m thinking, I’m trying to remember to come back to what you were talking about.
I also found out that I have bipolar disorder. For me, this means that I experience periods of mania and depression. During my manic episodes, I feel energetic, productive, and happy. I may write 5,000 words in a day, clean the house, and cook elaborate meals. I might even bake.
Depression is the opposite of mania. During my depressive episodes, I feel sad, tired, and hopeless. I may have trouble sleeping or concentrating. I may also lose interest in activities I used to enjoy.
During my depressive episodes, I don’t get as down as some people do, but I still get down. Most of the time, this means that I don’t want to do anything. I force myself to get out of bed and work, but I don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything else. The things that need to get done get done, but the extras don’t. By extras, I mean talking to friends, writing, or cleaning the house the way it should be cleaned.
I have never felt like I was good enough. This has caused me to have problems in the past, especially with friendships. I have always said that I would never give up on a friend, but this has backfired on me. I think I used to talk to my friends too much, which came across as clingy. I just wanted to show them that I didn’t forget about them and that they were important to me.
Since then, I have stepped back and tried to be more mindful of my interactions with others. I know that not everyone is going to like me, and that’s okay. But it’s still hard for me to accept that. Because of this, I have been hesitant to reach out to people in my life, role-play, or chat with people I enjoy talking to. It takes me a while to feel comfortable and to be able to make new friends, and this has made it even more difficult for me.
The writing community can be especially difficult, as it’s very competitive. It can be hard to tell if someone is giving you genuine advice or if they’re just trying to sell you something. This has made me even more hesitant to reach out to people in the writing community.
I’m working on this, though. I’m trying to be more confident and to believe in myself. I know that I have a lot to offer, and I’m starting to realize that not everyone is going to see that. But that’s okay. I’m still worthy of love and friendship, even if not everyone sees it.
I know that I sometimes take things personally, and I’m working on that. I know this is a problem for me, and I want to be better at it.
If you’re my friend and you want to talk more or become better friends, please let me know. I know that my mind can sometimes make me think that no one wants to be my friend, but that’s not true. I want to be friends with you, and I want to make sure that we’re both happy in our friendship.
If I talk to you too much, just let me know. You can say something like, “Hey, I love talking to you, but I’m super busy right now.” I’ll understand, and I’ll back off.
Either way, we need to be honest with each other. If I do something that offends or bothers you, please tell me. I’ll do my best not to take it personally, and I’ll work on changing my behavior.
And if I don’t talk to you all that much, just let me know that you want to talk to me. I’ll make an effort to reach out more often.
I think a lot of people have this fear of being rejected or abandoned, and I’m no exception. But I’m working on it, and I’m getting better.
I’m also in therapy, and I’m talking to my therapist about this. She’s helping me to understand why I take things so personally, and she’s giving me tools to help me cope with my anxiety.
I wanted to be open about this because I think it’s important to talk about our mental health. We all have our own struggles, and it’s okay to ask for help.
If you’re struggling with anything, please don’t be afraid to reach out. There are people who care about you and want to help.
Your tears break me.
When I see you in pain,
I just want to take it away.
Wipe the tears from your eyes.
Hug all the pain away.
I don’t know how to do that.
And I don’t know what to do.
Your tears break me.
They say the right things,
Music to your soul.
But it's like a dagger to your heart.
As the words are corrupted.
Like a slow seeping venom,
It creeps in and infects you.
When you think you are part of their life,
But you realize you are not.
Like a dagger to the heart,
Blood flows freely.
The deception is clear,
But the pain seeps into
Every fabric of your being.
Numbing you,
As your tears dry on your face.
You feel nothing as those words ring in your ears.
It is a curse,
To never think your good enough
To question everything
To not accept the good things in life as real.
You wait for the bottom to fall out.
You wait for everyone to leave.
You anxiously see signs everywhere,
When nothing is wrong.
You question yourself with every task.
Did I write this right?
Did I say that right?
Did they understand me?
Never going with your gut
Never accepting you are talented
Never accepting yourself.
Panic
Panic, heart racing
Blood rushing in my ears
Pulse echoing in my chest
Panic, heart racing
Hands shaking,
Flush face
Panic, heart racing
Sweat on my brows
Breathing ragged
Panic, heart racing
When will it end
I bit my lip to try and control it
Breath in deeply, trying to steady myself
When will it end?
When will I be normal?
Why can’t I think and react like normal people?
The darkness surrounds us
Like a blanket it wraps us and pulls us under
We fight and struggle, but we cannot move
The air is stiff as we struggle to breathe
With each moment, panic sets in
Our heart races as the darkness takes its hold
We can’t breathe as the air comes out of our lungs
Wrapping around us, tighter and tighter.
The darkness pulling us further and further into its grasp
Having an anxiety filled day. Need to get it all out in a poem.
Tricks
Those old feelings creep up.
The dread and desire to hide.
My heart races, and my mind wonders.
To run and hide, away from the pain
It is just my mind, is it real or just in my mind?
These thoughts keep coming, creeping up on me.
Are they real? Is what I am thinking real?
Of my anxiety playing tricks on me?
