Ramblings of a Chaotic Mind

This is a collection of poems, thoughts, short stories, and art. I hope you enjoy them.

Many of my poems might be dark and depressing, but writing is how I cope with things life throws at us. When I’m frustrated, hurt, and sad, I write. It helps me cope with my feelings though not every poem will fit this description most of them will.

I write on a slew of subjects; motherhood, family, miscarriage, children, raising children and many more. Sometimes moms get into a competition of who’s the better mother or who has the best kids, whose job is hard, and that mindset helps no one. I promise to be as real as I can, hoping the things that have challenged me can help someone else.

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It Hurts Like Hell

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
 It’s imperative to know how important you are.
Many people think they are important, they put themselves on pedestals.

You think you can count on certain people, but in the end, you can’t.
Sometimes the harsh reality hits you, and you realize how insignificant you are.

Or that you don’t matter to the people who matter to you.
The people you thought you can count on, the people that can count on you.

That foundation you built, comes falling down.
It’s important to know where you stand, but….

It hurts like hell… It hurts like hell.
 

Please Everyone

woman leaning on table
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com
I do my best, and it’s never enough.
The words you say may be innocent, but they hurt.
There is not enough time in the day.
To please everyone, so I quit!

I’m Sorry

I’m sorry. 
I couldn’t handle it.
My anxiety overwhelmed me.
And I walked away. 

Hold On

a person holding a rose
Photo by Jackson David on Pexels.com
Hold on tight, no matter how lousy you feel 
Cry if you want, but don't give up. 
It burns and your miserable but you keep fighting 
 
Hold on tight, but no one cares 
Scream out loud, but no one cheers 
It scorches your soul but you keep fighting 
 
Rotten and moldy, frail and rancid, 
But why do you still hold on? 
Why do you hold on to rotten dreams, 
Broken promises, and lies of devotion 
 
Let go of those rats, the tricksters, and deceivers 
Take charge of your life, move on and be happy 
Turn away from those who wish you harm, 
They seek to damage and berate you. 
 
Take charge of your life, hold on to those 
Who are true and just, pure, and honorable 
Hold on tight to those who cheer you on 
No matter the costs, they will be there 
Hold on tight to those lift you up who you to succeed 
 
 
Hold on to them and let go of the rest.  

Anxiety

Many people have anxiety, and most others don’t understand it. They think the person suffering from anxiety is making it up or the person suffering from depression can do something to stop it. It’s not so easy. This is just a look at how Anxiety feels for me.  
 

underwater photography of woman
Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com
 
Heart racing 
Fear grows 
Uncontrollable 
All at once 
 
Breathing fast 
Pacing 
Worries 
Uncontrollable 
All at once 
 
Makes no sense 
No reason at all 
I can't breathe 
The walls are closing in 

No one understands 
They say I'm making it up 
No reason at all 
 
The walls close in 
All at once 

Biting and Gnawing

Photo by Daniel Jensen on Unsplash

Why can’t you be happy?

Why do you delight in others’ misery?

You can’t be happy for your friends?

You can’t stand when they are happy?

The pain of regret will come to bite you.

You will lose out and others will move on.

The cut will deepen as the time passes.

It will gnaw away at you until there is nothing left.

Your flesh will rot away as maggots eat you alive. 

It will fester and scab over, leaving you as horrid as you are now.

Opening again at each new sting.

The sting of pain and regret will eat at you,

gnawing away the new skin and devouring you whole.

The life of one with no happiness and the life of one who is not happy for others.

Is an empty, useless, decrepit life.